This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
