I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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