Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize