Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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