I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
