does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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