the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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