you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
