Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
