You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
