well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
