Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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