Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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