We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
