Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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