Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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