I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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