They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
