I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
