Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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