Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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