it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
