you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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