Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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