the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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