His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
