Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
