508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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