I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
