$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
