Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
