my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
