How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
