the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize