Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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