she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
