I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
