the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
