That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
