Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
