I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
