his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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