Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
