we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize