I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
