my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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