Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
