oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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