I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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