Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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