i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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