I want to stick my p in your. b.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
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