who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
