just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
