Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize