I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
