do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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