Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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