I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
