I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
