Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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