I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
