hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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