I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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