why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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