You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
