If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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