Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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